I’ve put other gods before you. I’ve chased after the desires of my flesh, rather than the deep longing of my spirit. Deep cries out into deep, yet I ran away from your love. I was a Prodigal daughter lost in a world of sin searching for love among other men.
Somehow, some way I thought they could fill me, that they could fill this hole deep within my heart, that they could somehow bring meaning to my life.
I accepted the love I thought I deserved.
Then I found myself in a pit; lonely, ashamed, and confused. I was broken, God how I was broken, I was told I would never amount to anything, so I accept that as the truth within my heart and mind.
I need to clean my life up first, I would think to myself. I can’t bring my mess to you. I am a mess, no one would ever want me.
For years I rejected the one true love, the one real thing. Then you came, beating down the doors of my heart. I tried to keep you away, but your overwhelming love seeped through the cracks of my bitter heart, healing and consuming every broken part of me.
You held me in my numb, cold state. You showed me what the meaning of what true love is. You are true love. You are Abba, Father. You are my dwelling place, my strong tower, my sanctuary.
You have lifted me from the miry clay. You’ve took this mess of a woman and made her a conqueror, a mighty warrior. I now accept the love that I know I deserve.
I accept nothing less than your best because I only chase after the things that you have destined for me. When you came into my heart and spoke your sweet, precious words over me, my will broke. My idea of who I thought I was faded. I became a new creature in Christ, grasping onto the fact that I am fearfully, beautifully, and wonderfully made.
Father, I know I deserve nothing less than the best that you have for me. I deserve love, not some counterfeit. I deserve the kind of love you give. I deserve to be loved by others the way you have loved me.
I deserve an earthly king who will treasure my heart like my heavenly king. I won’t chase after the things that are not good for me. I won’t set my heart on things of no value. I now refuse to cast my pearls before swine.
I will sit here at your feet, as I wait on you. I will take this moment and allow you to love me through and through. I will embrace this process of healing, this journey of learning who I am in you. You are my source of life, the very air I breathe.
You are infinite love to me.
You are my King, my lover, and friend. Teach me to accept the love that I truly deserve because of who I am in you.
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