By: Desire Dupper
One of the hardest things in life to face is a break-up.
I am currently in that dark valley, that place where everything feels surreal.
We met three and a half years ago. The first time I had laid eyes on him, I knew that my heart had been stolen. He was madly in love with me too, yet a week ago – after a beautiful relationship – he confessed that he was “not happy with the way things turned out in our relationship” and that “he needs to find himself.”
What? You’re kidding!
I wish I were, but I’m not.
Many things haunt me, things that I should have done differently. I should have worked harder, been less selfish, etc… But my number one focus right now is to be consumed in prayer and in the Word.
I am sure you have been at that point where you lost the man you thought was “the one.” It shatters everything and brings all your dreams down to the ground. Praying for God to bring him back to you is inclination because it seems to be a simple fix to stop the pain and fix your brokeness.
But today, I propose to you – and myself – that we begin to change the way we pray in times of broken-heartedness. Praying for someone to take you back just because you want the pain to stop goes against God’s will for you. Our number one prayer should be that God’s will be done in our lives. This does not come easy as I find myself biting my tongue every time I want to plead with the Lord to send me back the love of my life.
But if God allowed him to walk away from me, is he really “the one?”
While I cannot give a clear answer to this, here are two possible scenarios:
Maybe this man really needs to find himself, grow spiritually, learn to accept that all relationships are hard at times, and then he’ll wake up one morning and realize that I am everything he’s ever wanted in a woman, run back to me, get down on that knee, and then we live happily ever after.
Or maybe this man really cannot handle my strong personality and has fallen out of love with me for good. Maybe he knows exactly who he is and that I simply just do not fit his ideology. He will move on, free and uninhibited, to find the woman that fulfils him in a way I never could.
Where does this leave me?
It leaves me right at the center of God’s will, the most perfect and safest place anyone could ask for.
Right now you may be filled with pain, questions, and emptiness. But God never loses control over your life. He never lets you slip and fall by the wayside. The Word says that He has plans to prosper you (Jer.29:11) and that He will never leave you nor forsake you. His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. His plan is bigger than the pain of a broken, rejected heart and that plan shall come to pass.
Don’t pray for the “man of your dreams” to come back to you. Pray for him to have wisdom. If it is the perfect will of God to bring him back to you, then God will do that, in His time. But don’t put your hopes on something that might never happen and could quite possibly keep you from seeing the “something better” that God has in store for you.
You should have a stronger desire for God’s will, than for your relationship with your ex to heal. In the end, what could be more fulfilling, more perfect, more suited, than the perfect will of the One who created you? He knows what kind of man will love you for who you are.
Okay, so now that we are no longer praying for God to bring him back, we’re praying for him to grow in wisdom and to follow God’s direction. What do I pray for myself then, when all I want to do is just beg and beg for God to fix things? Pray that God strengthens you enough to face whatever may come. Expect good things in your future, but embrace the pain you are in now. Share your hurt with the Lord, as often as you feel the need. Ask Him to comfort you, to give you wisdom and very importantly, ask and allow the Lord to guide you in revelation. The wounds may be too raw right now for you to see objectively, but with time, the Holy Spirit will show you why this horrible break-up had to happen.
Be patient with yourself, you are mourning.
Jesus is patient with you.
The Holy Spirit surrounds you.
God provides for you.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ~Psalms 147:3
I met Jesus at the age of 17. Today I am a 27 year old lady teaching at a high school in South Africa. I studied teaching and theology, and love doing short term missions. I have never been married, but carry the memory of many mistakes and broken relationships. I hope the lessons that I have learned are preparing me for something better. I enjoy spending time with friends, going on holiday, modeling, being in nature, and reading. I am very adventurous and always up for something fun. My dachshund boy, Blue, is the little piece of joy that always gets me to smile.