Marriage is the most important decision you will ever make in life after giving your heart to God.
It is the most challenging, yet rewarding task. Many of us dream about getting married, yet often we fail to realize what it really takes to make a marriage work.
When you recite the vows, for better or for worse, that is your covenant between God, your spouse, and yourself. God desires for us to work on our own hearts to prepare for all that He has in store for us.
I love my husband dearly. We have laughed together, cried together, built dreams together, and hoped together. He has been my rock when I needed someone to lean on. Ultimately God is the glue that has held us together, but God also requires us to do our part. Here are 17 pieces of advice I would give to anyone who wants to get married. (Or already is)
1. Pray for your future husband/wife
One simple prayer can change the entire course of history. James 4:2 tells us that we have not because we ask not.
Pray for your spouse. Cover them in prayer from head to toe, because it will make all the difference.
2. Guard your heart
Don’t jump from one relationship to another. Date with intention. Ask God if this person is right for you. Don’t base a life altering decision solely on emotion. Fast, pray, and read God’s word.
Get in tune with God’s voice to know what He is trying to tell you. Whatever God tells us we have to trust that his voice is for our better, not our worse. He will reveal who your spouse is in His perfect timing.
3. Don’t expect perfection.
Unless you are perfect yourself, don’t expect perfection. There is a difference between setting your standards high and making them impossible to reach.
Marriage is not a straight road. There are bumps, obstacles, and hills along the way.
There will be good days, and there will be bad days. But if you lean on a God each day in your marriage, you can trust that everything will be alright.
4. Learn to become a godly spouse NOW
Read God’s word on what a godly spouse looks like. Pray that you become the person your spouse needs you to be. Most importantly, build a relationship with God. Love on him, and let him love on you.
Singleness is a precious season of your life that people wish away. But if you embark on a relationship with God, everything else becomes much easier. There’s nothing in this world more important than your relationship with God.
5. Respect and honor
Respect and honor your spouse. When you truly love someone, you put their needs above your own. In a relationship where there is mutual respect and love, both people flourish. Never be short on giving love.
Love is something you can never give too much of. The more you give in a relationship, the more your relationship grows. Honor and love your spouse for being who they are.
6. Manage your money
Learn to manage your money now while you’re single. Make smart financial choices that will better your future, because it will affect your future family as well. Unfortunately money is one of the biggest issues of marriage in today’s society.
Being smart with your expenses and investments now will mean a great deal in the years to come.
7. Determine your priorities in the relationship early
Determining your personal and mutual priorities early in the relationship will save you an enormous amount of heartbreak and is essential to a long-lasting relationship.
If you are both walking down different paths, you will stray further away from each other. However, if you are committed to the same goals and walk in unity you will carry out your goals together and enjoy the journey to get there.
8. Let go of the ones who are against your marriage
“What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9)
When you are single it is easy to think that everyone will be happy for you when you find the one. But in order for a marriage to work, your spouse has to come before everyone else. This is not to say that everyone approves is wrong.
Use discernment and prayer, if the person is genuinely concerned they may be trying to save you from heartbreak. If it’s for any other reason than that, it is time to let them go. Cling to your spouse.
9. Be equally yoked
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (1 Corinthians 6:14)
Every decision you make will be influenced by who you marry. This should not be taken lightly. If your goal is to serve and love God and his/hers isn’t, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak and strife. If you are confused about where a potential future spouse’s loyalty lies, take a step back and pray hard.
10. Practice purity
The physical gift of your purity is a gift that you can make the choice to save for your partner. It’s a rare, precious thing that seems to have been forgotten in today’s culture, but your spouse will appreciate it. But there is more than just the physical aspect.
You give a piece of yourself to every person you sleep with. You spiritually, mentally, and emotionally connect yourself with every person you become intimate with.
But if you haven’t done so, please know that God’s love and repentance is free. You can choose today to live pure. Purity of the heart is what is most important.
11. Give God first place in your heart
Gods voice is the most obvious to those who are closest to Him. You shouldn’t pursue a relationship with God for what He can give you, but because He loves you so much and has made you His own. He will love you when you feel as if no one else does, and He is the only one who can make you feel complete.
You can have the best man or woman in the world, yet there will remain a God-sized hole in your heart that no mortal being can fill. He is the greatest lover, and is crazy about you.
12. Give God first place in your marriage
When you both strive to be closer to God, the world becomes more distant. God is the one who will bless you with a mate after His heart, and He is the one who will hold your marriage together.
He has great plans for your life, and where there is God, there is peace. If you do not feel content in your marriage, maybe it’s time to set God back on the throne of your marriage and heart.
13. Never stop loving each other
“Til death do us part” is the ending statement of the tradition vows for good reason. Falling in love is easy, but there will be days that come that the devil will attack your marriage. The enemy will try to pull you both away from God and apart.
When those days come, place your faith in the one who blessed you with your marriage and make an effort to fall in love all over again daily. Hold hands, kiss passionately, bring flowers, pursue each other daily. Don’t let loving on your spouse ever become rare thing. Make loving on your spouse your priority, long after the honeymoon.
14. Be passionate daily
Let’s be real. Sex is essential to a marriage. It releases endorphins and chemicals in the brain that attaches and connects you to your spouse. God designed sex to be a beautiful thing for married couples to enjoy.
It’s important to bond with your spouse each day not only sexually, but physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Put down your cell phone and gaze into their eyes Always be aware of their presence, and constantly pursue each other.
15. Speak in love always
It’s so easy when you are angry to say things out of emotion. In Marriage both partners should give 100/100, not 50/50. Go above and beyond. If you feel like you’ve given all you can to your spouse, give them that much more love and grace.
Make an effort to understand their feelings. Remember that you are both human and will make mistakes. Above all, forgive each other. These things are essential to making your marriage last.
16. Be able to admit when you’re wrong
The wisest man is the one who understands how little he actually knows. In the entire universe, we are but one speck on a small planet. What makes us think we know everything?
It’s a sin most of us have fallen short of. It hurts your pride to say sorry, but I promise your spouse’s feelings are worth it. Stay humble and know that you are not above making mistakes. Loving unconditionally means admitting when you are wrong.
17. Be loyal physically and mentally
Abstaining from sex isn’t just a physical thing. We live in a culture where sex sells, that is why porn is considered the life-blood of the internet. Porn allows us to indulge in sexuality, without physically indulging.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)
So I’m telling you something I’m not sure you hear often enough,
GUARD YOUR HEART LIKE IT IS GOLD, BECAUSE IT IS.
Your heart is precious. Be kingdom minded, not sex minded. Your mind is a constant battle, but I promise that purity in your mind will pay off in your marriage, even now if you are single.
Marriage is a beautiful covenant, designed by God. God created marriage to be a beautiful thing, and I am praying for each one of you who wish to marry someday. Above all if you are single and waiting, let the God of love romance and woo you.
You will find nothing in this world better than the Savior’s love. Pray for your marriage now, it will impact generations to come. Start a generational blessing by praying over your marriage and your children’s marriages. God will bring the right person into your life in His timing and not a minute too soon.