The agony of heartache.
The torture of memories playing over and over in your head.
The wasted money spent on gifts that you’ll never get back.
Breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes it’s downright necessary.
For the sake of sanity, you have to choose to be single and happy rather than being in an emotionally draining relationship that robs you of sleep, peace, money and cookies.
Sounds like common sense to those of us who have been there and done that.
But it’s not as easy as it sounds for those who are stuck at the road of indecision and wondering if they should just call him and fix the relationship already.
Emotional healing is a lot like physical healing.
During a workout, the muscle is torn and takes up to 48 hours to rebuild. During the rebuild process, the athlete must take in healthy, lean proteins to help the muscle rebuild quicker. When it rebuilds, it is much stronger than before.
Not only are humans are built this way physically, but also emotionally.
After a breakup, you’re often hurt or torn in the process. In order to grow stronger than you were before the breakup, you must work on rebuilding yourself in a healthy way.
We have a tendency to do just the opposite We host pity parties for ourselves and invite our favorite wine. We listen to every sad song we can find. We call our girlfriends to help us bash the EX.
All of this is profitable for a woman who wants to remain bitter.
But, for women who want to heal and move forward, they must choose to accept that the muscle is torn, and begin to help it heal, by following these steps:
1. Own it.
Wanna know what’s harder than getting over the worst breakup with a guy who was bad for you?
Owning your mistakes and learning from them.
But that’s exactly what you need to do if you’re serious about moving forward with your life. It’s easy to blame others for every failed relationship; every failed job; every failed business venture.
But, the moment you take responsibility for the role that you played, the sooner you get your power back.
If he was a lying, cheating, abusive dawg, perhaps you enabled him by choosing to ignore the warning signs.
And if your last 3 boyfriends were lying, cheating, abusive dawgs, you played an even bigger role. Because the common denominator in all of those relationships is….. (see mirror for the answer).
2. Allow yourself to feel the pain.
The worst thing we can do when we are hurting is to ignore the pain or cover it up.
If you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain, it will manifest in other ways, such as anger towards others, over-eating, or over-spending. You may even be tempted to get in a rebound relationship to help you forget all about him, but that will only make matters worse.
Because God gave us emotions, it’s ok to express them when necessary.
So, cry, scream, or journal if you must. But, give yourself permission to hurt.
And when you’re done with all of that,
3. Show yourself some love.
Depending on the circumstances involved with the breakup, it’s common to beat yourself up over what happened. You may be questioning:
- How could this happen to you, AGAIN?
- What could you have done differently to make it work?
- What’s wrong with you?
- Why does everybody you love abandon you?
Those are all normal reactions after a breakup, but don’t allow those feelings to influence how you feel about yourself.
You are enough!
You should be loved and accepted, just the way you are!
You don’t have to be perfect to be loved, because true love, loves the imperfections.
Practice, affirming yourself daily. Learn to give yourself exactly what you need.
Whether it’s love, respect, understanding, forgiveness, or self-worth—you deserve it. And if you can’t get it from yourself, don’t expect anyone else to give it to you.
4. Lastly, treat yourself to ice cream,
or whatever your favorite dessert is. I’m not sure it will help, but if it tastes good enough, it will temporarily take your mind off the EX.
In the end, you’ll rise stronger and wiser than before.
Marcee Woodard is a Christian Counselor who guides women through self-discovery and teaches them how to love so that they can attract and keep the relationships they deserve. For more information, visit her blog, Preparing to Love and connect with her on Facebook.