Okay, I know this may sound a little cliche, but just give me a minute to explain.
As of lately, my house has been a tornado. After nearly five years of marriage, Kevin and I have decided to follow wherever God leads, so we are making an out-of-state move.
Anyone who knows my 13 month old daughter knows she loves getting into everything, so when I found her with a piece of paper going to her mouth, it was no surprise.
I had been packing away important papers and sentiments the day before, but when I picked this tiny piece of paper up I realized it was the letter I had wrote to my future husband exactly three days before God revealed to me the man I would marry.
The odd thing about this is I had been planning on eventually writing a blog on this topic, so when this happened, I knew it was God giving me the go ahead.
As a senior in high school nearing graduation, I found the commitment I had made to God at the age of 12 more challenging than it had ever been.
For years I felt like I was in hiding no dates, no prospects, nothing. I knew I wasn’t ugly, but when I prayed that prayer of “God, save my heart for my future husband,” He took me seriously, even though I was just a child. It was almost like He was saying, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask me just that, I’ve got you covered.”
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Any guy I had talked too even came close to dating came to a screeching halt every single time. I would pray and ask God to lift up what I felt like was a curse (the binding prayer of a 12 year old), but He stuck with His promises to me, even in the times it got so hard to maintain my heart and purity.
I had spent my entire teen life chasing after Jesus. I would being lying if I said I didn’t want to date, because I did, but ultimately I wanted to take my teen years and just solely chase after the main pursuit of my heart.
My friends were all dating, and I felt like the oddball.
A lot of people told me my standards were too high, that I’d end up old and alone.
That was the nicest of the criticism I received for being publicly open about my decision to wait for God to bring me the man HE had set aside for me.
So there I was, a senior in high school who had never kissed, never even held anyone’s hand, and never been in a relationship.
I said no to guys I knew were no good for me. I said no to good, Christian guys. I didn’t always want to say no. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb by being this way, I just wanted to be normal, like other girls.
For the first time in a long time I had came to peace within myself. I realized I was still young and had a lifetime of living, serving, and loving Jesus before God brought along my Boaz. I didn’t expect it anytime soon, so I just decided to be at peace within myself, and trust God that in His timing He would bring everything I need.
Just remembering this period in my life brings back a smile to my face. The burden of trying to do it on my own was lifted. I knew it was out of my hands, it’s not like I could pick someone better for myself than God could anyways, and I knew what a mess I would make of my heart if I rushed ahead.
So I sat down on a cold night in December of 2010 and wrote this simple, yet prophetic letter to my future husband.
To my future husband,
Even now, I am still going to hold out for you. You are so going to be worth it. But I have decided to stop looking for you and to just focus on God, He will bring me to you in the right time. It’s funny that you actually exist, you are a real person, (who is probably asleep right now.) And I know God has you saved for me, just like He is faithfully saving me for you.
I love you and I am doing my best. My heart is already yours. I am going to stop searching elsewhere because I know you are going to be so much better than what I have planned.
Your future wife
It’s funny how God works.
Three days later, this boy happens to walk into my church. I had met him three years prior, yet in that moment God showed me something different.
He was someone I felt spiritually tied to, and I couldn’t really grasp why. A handful of times we would pass by each other in public, and I felt so drawn to his spirit. I still remember the day we ran into each other at a local Walgreens. I didn’t know his name, but I knew His fire for the Lord. Walking out of Walgreens that day I prayed, God, please give me someone with a heart like that.
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As time went on, I became caught up in my life. My senior year alone consisted of four school transitions, and my life as a teenager was hectic to say the least.
But next time we ran into each other, he invited me to come hear him preach sometime and we exchanged numbers. From there things escalated beautifully.
I decided to invite him to my church. I thought he was amazing, but I thought I didn’t have a chance. As we sat there, I remember just seeing love in his eyes, such a humble, sweet spirit.
Then after so many nights of begging and pleading God to give me a “yes” to all the boys I thought were so right for me only to find out there was a reason He always gave me “no’s,” I heard God say something I had never heard Him say before.
He whispered to me, “He’s the one.”
Umm, okay God. There’s nooo way you just told me that.
I convinced myself that I was crazy, besides why would a guy like that be interested in someone like me?
But not long after that, he asked me out on a date to my surprise. He was crazy about me (longer than I even realized), and we fell in love.
Now, sitting here at 5 o’clock in the morning in 2016 I am in tears, thanking God for preserving me, even when I doubted His goodness and promises.
My husband proves to me daily that the decision he and I both made to wait on each other was one of the best decisions we could’ve made.
I thought I couldn’t fall harder in love, but here I am, less than a month away from our five year anniversary, and I am deeper in love than I’ve ever been.
True love really does exist, and so do God’s promises.
I will never regret that day I cried out, “Take all of me Jesus! Make me into whatever you need, and give me whatever I need.”
God knew the simplest desires of my heart down to the letter, and stored up an abundance of blessings for me just from simply asking and committing.
When you become radically in love with Jesus, you realize He is concerned about every area of your life, especially the person you will marry. He desires to give you good things, but they have to be in His time. Abba is so in love with you, and so proud of you.
You are His treasured, chosen child. Don’t doubt the goodness of God. Don’t doubt His promises.
Hold onto the hope He has placed in your heart, I promise you will regret all the times you ever doubted Him.
“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.”