The Most Important Lessons I Learned During My Single Season

By: Karen Yango (author at I Am KYT)

There seems to be a ludicrous belief that all single people are unhappy, sad, lonely and desperate, but it’s a lie. Singleness is not a poisonous state to be in. Our single season can be one of growth, freedom, and beauty. As a seasoned single, I have learned a few lessons that have truly impacted me.

Being single is not a death sentence.

My Journey

Being single was not always easy. Yes, I had those moments when I would throw a pity party for myself. In college, especially before I found a relationship with Christ, it was difficult to be single and content. People seemed to get booed up left and right and having “bae” was all part of the college experience. I didn’t want much, just a simple hug, a valentine, a chocolate and a buddy to go eat with…

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As time passed, I would continue to envy those with relationships. I had a desire to date without understanding God’s standards. Eventually, my desires combined with my lack of knowledge of God’s truth led me to enter a relationship that was not for me. You all know exactly what I mean, there are things that God says don’t touch and instead of listening, we get closer and closer and closer until it burns us.

My heart was hardened towards God, I was lukewarm; I wanted to have the label of Christian without having the fire and power of God to fuel my life. A desire that is not matched with God’s will can consume us and poison our lives. 

Relationships Are Important

Don’t enter a relationship out of a desire that does not match up with God’s will for your life.

When I renewed my vow to God and became intentional with my faith, my whole view of relationships and single seasons changed. I finally understood the importance and significance of relationships. The world makes it seem as if relationships are casual happenings BUT God does not see it that way at all. The person we choose to spend the rest of our life with is not a light issue and it cannot be chosen in a place of desperation, ungodly desire, and confusion.

Together, you and your mate should glorify the Lord more than you could separately. Marriage is more than hugs and kisses but is a covenant that is pure and that should exemplify Jesus’s love for the church.

It can be very easy to be narrow-minded and short-sighted when it comes to relationships. Sometimes, we forget that our decision on who to partner with affects others. I have learned that the decision that I make in regards to my lifelong partner may affect generations to come.

Marriage is sacred and should not be taken lightly. Relationships and marriage must be done with God’s help if we want it to last and be successful. There is no need to rush out of our single season to enter a situation that was never meant for us.

single season

The Now

My single season has allowed me to take a step back and really learn how to date in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. I have learned my role as a woman in a relationship and how God intended men to pursue. I have had the time to pray over my desires and ensure that they are Godly standards and not just worldly preferences.

Pruning and Preparation

Use your single season to understand God’s intention for relationships and marriage. This is the time for you to set your standards straight so that no one can sweet talk you out of them

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I can honestly say that the discontentment and burning desire to be in a relationship is no longer alive. That’s not to say that I have no desire for a relationship and marriage…no no no. But what this does mean is that I am content. I am content with being in the season that I am in as I know that this season is necessary to get me to the next one. There is danger in jumping out of seasons too fast. I have let go and let God mature me into the woman He needs me to be for the future family and husband that He will provide.


Marriage is hard and it is not for the faint-hearted. Fortunately, God provides all the necessary tools to make marriage a beautiful journey. Let’s trust that the Lord will carry us through.

Be content in your singleness. You are in this season not because God has some evil plan to keep you single forever, but maybe because it just isn’t the right time. Allow God to be God and sit back. Don’t you want the King of kings to write your love story?

So often we fall into this pity party and we forget that life has so much to give. I can’t dwell on my lack when God has a lot for me TODAY. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, let me focus on the passions and gifts God has birth in me. We are women of purpose, let’s not sit around waiting for a man, get up and go!

There are many things that you can do in your single season that you cannot do once married. Instead of dwelling on your lack, go and pursue the passions God has placed in your heart. The kingdom needs you to end your pity party and join the task force.

Trust God’s Plan

I hate to be the downer, but what if you never get married? Would you stomp your feet, and turn your back on God. Now, I am not saying that this will happen to you. If it is God’s plan for you to have a mate than surely you will have one. But have you ever asked yourself that question? And when you did, was your first response ” God forbid” and then you brushed it off. If you brushed it off? Why? Why is it that we tend to shy away from that question? The question is black and white.

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I have always had a desire to have a marriage and to raise a family and I believe that God will give me the desires of my heart. But if I end up unmarried, I believe that God is still in control and has a better plan for my life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” ( Jeremiah 29:11)

Cherish Your Today

If marriage is not in God’s plan for your life, that is nothing to be scared of because that was not your BEST plan.

God is too good for me to turn my back on Him. My first desire is to pursue God with passion and zeal. Without Him I am nothing, a husband does not take the place of Christ!

Pursue Christ, not for the blessings but for Him. Understand that God’s plan is the best plan for your life even if it doesn’t look like your own desires. God will give you joy and peace through any season of life. Trust in His abilities to transform desires that you thought could not be changed.

There is beauty in entrusting God and giving Him control over my love life. Instead of being stressed about my single status, I am able to enjoy God’s presence and the present that He has created for me. Why should I cry when I can laugh and enjoy TODAY. My God, there is so much right in front of us if we just open our eyes to see it.

single season


Let’s Cherish our today. Enjoy and be content in your singleness. Let’s be so in love with God that we are willing to let go of our desires to follow His. Being single is not a death sentence but an amazing journey of growth, preparation, and freedom.


Stay blessed,

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