"What if I married the wrong man?"
Over lunch a dear friend of mine asked me this, on the verge of tears. Her plate had hardly been touched, I knew she had been holding this in for a while.
Hearing this from a woman who waited and married the man God had for her left me a little shocked. "What makes you feel like you've married the wrong person?" I asked her.
"At first it was like we both just knew we were meant to be together. We were so in love. Not that I don't love him anymore, I just don't feel that newness, that passion I felt when we first got married." She told me looking down at her full plate of food.
As she continued, she told me about how things had become so "routine."
She loved her husband, but she felt her heart aching for something more. She ached for that passion she felt when they were younger.
While I don't claim to know too much, this Is what I told her from my experience in my marriage;
"In marriage, I believe we go through seasons, just as we do in life and even our relationship with God. We have days where we are passionately, deeply in love with our significant other, then some days, when the storm clouds roll in and life just gets plain hard, we have to make a little more of an effort.
Just think about it this way; do you always feel on fire for the Lord? Or do you go through valleys and reach mountain tops? Likewise, marriage is a road where two unique individuals are walking together. It's going to get hard. You are going to have disagreements and arguments, but no matter what life throws at you, don't let it come between you and your spouse.
The only thing that should sit between the both of you is God the Father. God desires for us to embrace the passionate romance with our spouse, but the ultimate goal of marriage is to bring glory to God. God gave you the person you have because He knew you needed
They'll test your patience, they'll love you, they'll challenge you, and help you in your healing process. So embrace your marriage, even on the days it isn't all sunshine and rainbows.
CLING to your spouse through each and every season, because that is what will bring you both closer and make you stronger as a couple."
After praying about everything together, we went our separate ways but I carried our conversation with me.
After I gave birth to my daughter, I was a breastfeeding, hormonal mess. I was dealing with anxiety and PTSD from her early birth and Nicu stay, I was slowly losing the battle of breastfeeding, I was dealing with a couple of invasive relatives, averaging about two hours, all the while dealing with a little preemie at home while my husband was forced to work long hours.
I was frustrated and tired. I couldn't stand anyone, not even my poor husband, let alone myself. I was honest with him about how I was feeling. I told him I missed the passion, I missed the newness. I missed spending time with him and feeling just so in love we couldn't bear to be away from each other one minute.
After some praying and self reflection, I realized this was a season. I didn't understand that there would ever come a point I felt this way, but I decided it's best to cut myself and my husband some slack, after all we were both exhausted new parents. Things got better.
Actually, they're much better now than they were before. Our love is stronger, and now we are enjoying the best time of our lives, building a new family. I found an outlet for my stress (writing, date nights with the hubby, playing call of duty with my little brother.)
As a woman, it's hard to admit when we're wrong. We have all of these emotions and hormones. Our nature tends to act on emotion. But sometimes we just need to take a breather, give ourselves and those around us a break, and let it all out to Abba. He understands our frustrations. He made us fearfully and wonderfully.
It doesn't mean we made the wrong decision in marriage or that our lives are crumbling before us. It means we need to not let our emotions get the best of us. In life we will go through seasons. We will experience ups and downs, as we will in marriage. The true test of our love and faith is that we love on the days we don't feel like it, and cling to God and the person He has for us.
Things will get better, I promise. Take a deep breath, and let God guide each step. Give your spouse grace today, and give yourself grace. Embrace your marriage and trust the Author of Love who guided you both together. He will guide you to the very end. Continue to hold onto Him and to each other.