What to Look For in a Godly Man: Characteristics that Distinguish Him From the Rest

What to look for in a godly man

Blog written by: Jane Merson (The Unrivaled Road)

Sing it with me: “What you want; baby, I got it. What you need; you know I got it? All I’m askin’ is for a little respect when you get home (just a little bit)…”

But, you know what? I’m looking for more than “just a little bit.”

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Girls, we are all too quick to dismiss instances when we are disrespected in relationships, are we not?  I know I’m guilty of it.  I reason with myself that I can’t expect too much, or that I haven’t made my boundaries or expectations clear, or that I am not worthy of more.  I put up with hurtful comments or way-too-fast physical advances because I would rather keep the guy around than go back to being single again.  A guy’s behaviour maybe mirrors what I’ve seen in other relationships or in the movies, so I justify it and learn to live with it.  But enough of that.  We are daughters of the King and should be treated as such.

No guy is perfect (and nor are we, girls) but there are good, honorable, God-fearing men out there who want to pursue you and love you as Christ pursues and loves the church.

These men take the time to get to know you and build your trust.

These men develop friendship through emotional and spiritual intimacy first, and earn the right to physical intimacy.

These men are intentional, purposeful, honest, and patient.

These men see your beauty, beyond just make-up and dress-code.

These men hold doors open, carry your heavy items, and protect you.

In 1 Timothy 3, we read about the characteristics of men who are called to be leaders in the church.  Now, we may not all be destined to be a pastor’s wife, but should we not still be looking for a man of equal character?  God calls men to be above reproach; to be faithful to their partner; to exercise self-control and wisdom; to have a good reputation and not be prone to excessive drinking or violence.  Men should be gentle, not always picking an argument or wishing to get their own way, and they should not place so much value on money that it detracts from more worthy things in life.

But these things don’t come easily, or naturally, so, girls, let’s be praying for our men.  Pray that God would raise up men with characteristics like those listed in 1 Timothy 3.  Pray that men would find their identity in their Heavenly Father, first and foremost, so that they can grow into godly men and godly fathers.  Pray that godly men in our churches would set the example for younger generations and be willing to mentor and invest in these men.  Rather than us sitting around complaining that there are few men that meet the criteria, let’s be the spiritual force that intercedes on their behalf.

We, also, should be endeavouring to be the best version of ourselves and develop a good character, for a man who reflects these godly characteristics is also attracted to such.  If we want to be respected, we should be respectful in response.

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Are we honouring the man who has expressed an interest in us, even though we do not share his interest?  Are we honest when we turn down a man or break-up with him and convey our feelings with love and honesty, rather than turning it into a slanging match?  Politics, Twitter feuds, even news stories often respond in spite, anger or disgust.  Let’s, instead, be respectful in our approach and response to men, and remember that we are just as fallible as them.

So, girls, my point is this: don’t settle for less because it is the only attention you have been shown in a while, or because you really like the guy and are willing to overlook some of his lazy habits.  There will absolutely be times that failings and mistakes will need to be forgiven and forgotten – by both parts – but do not let it start out that way.  Start as you mean to go on.  Wait for the man who will see the beauty and hidden wonder in you.  Wait for the man who will allow you time to trust him and feel safe with him.  Wait for the man who will treasure you for all your hidden potential.  Wait for the man who will wait for you: wait until he finally meets you; wait until he knows you and has resolved in his own heart that he wishes to pursue you with intentionality; wait to be physical with you to protect your purity and his.

“…And I ain’t lyin’ (just a little bit) When you come home; you might walk in and find out I’m gone. I got to have (just a little bit), a little respect (just a little bit)…”  (Respect – Written by Otis Redding, Sung by Aretha Franklin)


Do you have a prayer request? Leave a comment below!

18 thoughts on “What to Look For in a Godly Man: Characteristics that Distinguish Him From the Rest

  1. Am 34 still single only because I don’t know what o look for in a man. How do I know he is the one? Is his profession important? Please help a sister out what must I look for?

  2. Hi Nomvula, while the article points towards some characteristics of a Godly man, it is more important that we focus on becoming Godly women and putting God first in all areas of our lives and He will bring us all the good gifts that He gives for our good when we are ready to receive them, including a husband. Marriage is designed to draw us closer to God, to help us understand sacrificial love, and to make us more like Christ, but we can begin that process long before we meet our future spouse. Sometimes we can forget that marriage is not the goal, knowing God is. When we are walking in our calling and purpose before God, the right man will be far easier to identify because He will be walking that same path with you. I hope that helps a little – I’m praying for you!

  3. I’m in a relationship now..i love him and he loves me and my kids..but I can’t help but to think that there’s someone else for me, someone that God has for me

    1. Hi Amanda, it can be very difficult to know what to do in a situation like this, and even harder to have the courage to do it. My advice would be to lay it all out before God in prayer – He knows you intricately, He knows what you need, and He cares about every detail. He will make His path clear to you. Be alert to His leading and allow His peace to guide you. If you feel an unease, then ask God to give you wisdom and courage to act. I’m praying for you!

  4. Hi I am dating a guy for one and half years, he is God fearing and loving but the issue is I have been financially stable for the period of the relationship and it has brought a lot of insecurities in him that he becomes constantly mood, in which it kept affecting the mood of the relationships we became unhappy and he became needy, the second issue is that i am single mother and my daughter is staying with the father and he felt intimidated talking to the father of my child any issue concerning the child, he would constantly become moody, angry and insecure any time the issue was brought up. My question is how am i to deal being in a relationship like that i have tried to be supportive, submissive loving but i m getting tired and resentment is building up in me.

    1. Hi Yvonne, thanks for your comment. That is not an easy situation but it sounds like you are not married to him, so you do not have an obligation to stay with him if you do not feel that the relationship is progressing towards marriage. I know that the thought of ending a relationship can be very difficult but you have to do what is right for you and your daughter. It is not your responsibility to change him – it sounds like he has some issues and insecurities that he needs to work through himself with God – only God can do that. My advice would be to pray for him and allow God to change his heart, but also ask God to give you wisdom about the future of the relationship and courage to act according to His response. God cares about your situation – about your boyfriend, you, your daughter, and your daughter’s father – so He will give you wisdom in this difficult situation. Feel free to email me theunrivaledroad@gmail.com if you want to talk more about this. I’m praying for you!

  5. Hello Jane. I loved everything about this article. This 1 Timothy 3 man has found me and though we’re just getting acquainted, there is some distance between us. We both live busy lives-career and ministry so it’s kind of impossible to communicate regularly. My prayer request is that all will be well between us as God has confirmed to myself and him that he’s The One. Also that God will continue to bless me as I begin my evangelical journey. I only want God’s best for me and nothing less. God bless you always.

  6. Thank you for your article! It was very well articulated and a great reminder of what we should be doing and looking for. Please pray for me. I’m 43 years old and I’ve never been married, or had children. M waiting for God to bring the right one, but it isn’t taking a long time, and there hasn’t been anyone even close in years. I’m trying to not get discouraged and hold onto His promises, but it gets harder as the years go by. Thank you!

    1. Thanks Elizabeth, I’m glad that it was encouraging. I am praying for you now. God knows the desires of your heart and He knows what we need. He is your greatest Pursuer, Lover, and Protector.

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