The Ten Year Wait: What I am Learning in This Season

Blogpost originally shared on The Unrivaled Road

Article by: Jane Merson

“If you can’t live fulfilled on your own, you will not be able to live fulfilled with someone else.” ~ Justin Stumvoll

Just like many of my peers, I have always had a desire to be married and to raise a family.  But, unlike many of my peers, I am still waiting to see that desire fulfilled.

As a teenager, I (for reasons I can no longer recall!) considered 24 years old as the ideal age to get married.  I had it all planned out – it would give my husband & I a couple of years for us to settle into marriage then I’d pop out two or three kids before I hit the big 3-0.

But here I am – 30 years old and single.  No boyfriend, no husband, and certainly no kids.

Yet I’m the happiest and most content I’ve ever been.

Here are just some of the lessons I’ve learned so far:

Closed doors are a blessing.  Oh, so many closed doors!  A couple of (short-lived) relationships, countless crushes and many, many tears later, I am unimaginably thankful for the way God has protected my heart and comforted me through the confusion, hurt and impatience of the past ten years.  These experiences, though far from enjoyable at the time, have shaped me and guided me (often reluctantly!) and have played an essential part in this decade of waiting.

(Click below to grab your copy of 31 Days of Prayer for Your Future Husband.)

Single people should be encouraged, not pitied.  I can’t begin to tell you how irritating it is to have well-meaning marrieds ask me why I’m still single or reassure me that it’ll be my turn next.  Please don’t ‘label’ me or assume it’s the only thing on my mind!  In the past it would take every ounce of me to reach a place of peace (not true contentment, but part-way there at least) about being single to then have someone else raise the issue with me and immediately knock my confidence and cause me to spiral back into insecurities again.  The more others saw my singleness, the more I felt it.  And it felt like inadequacy.

Marrieds, pray for singles – that they would find their spouse, by all means, but also that they would be content in the meantime – hang out with them, introduce them to others (without making it awkward, please!), encourage them in their walk with God, help them to identify and nurture their gifts, and don’t overlook or disregard them (whether unintentionally or not).

Use your time as a singleton well.  You only get one chance at life so don’t sit around waiting for marriage (or a promotion, or a pay rise, or a baby, or whatever).  Life doesn’t start when you get married, it started the day you were born.  The longer you wait, the more time you waste.  Jesus saved us so we could live an abundant life!  Oh, how I wish I had applied this truth sooner.

Travel.  Make memories.  Buy that house, that car, that pet.  Read books, delve into the Word of God, enjoy a range of hobbies.  Become interesting.  Then when you meet someone you like, you’ll have far more to talk about.

Everyone’s journey is unique.  Embrace your journey, don’t resent it.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  I’ve been there, believe me.  I used to look at married friends thinking I needed to be more like them because clearly they were ‘marriage material’ and I was not.  I thought I needed to be prettier, funnier, thinner, holier, more spontaneous, fun… the list goes on.  But after many years I began to realise that God had a different purpose for me; a different path to walk, different challenges to face, different lessons to learn.  And I found joy in the creativity of my Father and the one-of-a-kind story He writes for each one of us.

(Click below to grab your copy of Lord, Prepare Me to Be a Godly Wife.)

The desire for a spouse is a good desire.  The Bible clearly states that it is good for a man and woman to be united in marriage.  But many singles who express their desire for a spouse are, sometimes unfairly, labeled ‘desperate’.  Don’t be ashamed of your desire for a spouse, but also be careful not to place that desire above your passion to worship and serve God.

Learn to be romanced by God.  And this by far has been the best and most liberating lesson!  To be loved, pursued and accepted by the Heavenly Father far exceeds anything an earthly spouse could ever offer.  Only God can meet our deepest desires and needs – it would be unfair on our spouse to expect that from them – we must always seek Him to fill this void.  And as we continue to draw closer to God, we are better equipped to enter into a loving, giving, serving earthly relationship when the time comes.

I continue to wait for my husband with great anticipation, trusting God to prepare us both and to unite us in His timing.  But regardless of my marital status, my far greater desire is to know God more deeply and more intimately, serving Him and bringing Him glory in all that I do.


Do you need prayer? Leave a comment below!

10 thoughts on “The Ten Year Wait: What I am Learning in This Season

  1. Thank you so much for this blog. I’m about to turn 29 in April and i been thinking about it for a long time. Its a daily thing to remind myself God has someone for me. i just have to wait for his timing. You inspire me do what you said in this Blog, Thanks again!!!

    1. Hi Theresa, I’m so glad the blog inspired you and encouraged you. You may also enjoy my blogpost ‘Thirty Lessons to 30’ on my personal blog, The Unrivaled Road. The link is at the top of the page. Be blessed!

  2. thank you.. Your article helps me with my walk woth God.. I also been waiting for my boaz.. Im 34yrs and been different relationships but failed.. i did try to find love with my ex’s but failed. .now im waiting for God’s blessing soon..

    1. Hi Eve, glad that the article helped. You are not alone in your waiting! But be encouraged, God is busy preparing His BEST life for you. Seek Him first and all His blessings will follow.

  3. I dont know how to stop looking for him. I dont know how to stop wondering if today I might meet him. I cant stop expecting it every single day. Everywhere I go I am looking for him. And at the end of every day I am disappointed. In myself. My prayers. God…. How do I stop?

    1. Hi Leandri, thanks so much for your honesty, openness, and vulnerability. I have been there, I understand how tough it can be. What helped me was remembering that God has a plan for me – whatever that may be – and He wants me to get there more than I want to get there myself. Which means, that if God has a husband for you as part of His great plan for your life, He wants you to meet him, more than even you want to meet him! That is an encouraging thought! BUT the key is in His timing. So it is good to live in expectation, believing that God can do surprising things in an ordinary day, but we should not be so focussed on what WE want to happen, that we miss noticing what God is outworking in and around us. See every interaction, every opportunity, every new friendship as preparation for God’s big plan for your life, instead of placing your own expectations on it – that is where our disappointment stems from. And do not be afraid that, if you stop searching for a man, you might miss him, that is impossible – God will not allow us to miss His will for our lives if we are seeking Him and His heart. So rest in the knowledge that God cares for you, and is not hiding your husband from you, He is simply protecting you and preparing you for the greater blessing He has prepared for you because He loves you so much.

  4. Your words have been an encouragement to me. Their is this sweet song – “in his time- in his time, he makes all this beautiful in his time..”

Leave a Reply